Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.
A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.
They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller skates.
One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were “the meals on wheels.”
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic woman says smugly, “My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle “Well…..?”
She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2″, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh my God…’.“
Hilary Clinton was taking a tour of a D.C. hospital while working to reform healthcare in the U.S. As she is touring, a doctor is explaining all the different functions of the hospital to her.
Eventually, they pass an open room in the inpatient ward, where Hilary could clearly see a middle aged man masturbating with great enthusiasm. The doctor quickly instructed the floor nurse to close the door. It was too late, Hilary had already seen.
She fiercely looked at the doctor and said, “What kind of hospital are you running here Doctor?”
The doctor calmly explained that the man had a very rare ailment, which required him to ejaculate three times daily, or his testicles would swell and he would die. Hilary accepted the doctor’s explanation and they moved on.
A few minutes later, they came across another open room, yet this time they witnessed a nurse on her knees giving a different middle aged man oral sex. Hilary was outraged and called for an immediate explanation.
“It’s very simple Mrs. Clinton”, said the doctor. “This man suffers from the same ailment as the last man, however he has a much better health plan.”
UFO’s Real Or Not Here They Come…yet to some the idea of UFO’s might seem crazy.
It is a shock to the human system because it is a fundamental world view problems. What comes next? Can the human mind accept it?
THRIVE: What On Earth Will It Take?
Funny Cat Video
Jehovah’s Witnesses And Halloween Jokes
From Americans Against The Tea Party-here is ‘Christian’ Conservatives laughing at sinners with Jesus…(wasn’t Jesus Jewish?)…
They quote Corinthians: This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
You know it has gone too far…when your cat designs it’s own Cat Halloween Costume!
DO NOT GO NEAR THE WATER with this Very Funny Orca Halloween Dog Costume
According to Stephen Colbert, conservatives have an unconditional ability to know what President Reagan would do at any given time, despite his previous track record.
Colbert then shows how conservative, Bill O’Reilly has an uncanny ability to know what the 2013 Super Reagan would do today!